Burned In The Name Of Love prt1

It is of my belief that if you love me, you cant burn me continuously and as I stated, that’s my belief.  When a man decides to sleep with another woman, even if he makes a mistake once, if there is love, he won’t do it continuously. You should see the face of your wife or the woman you are committed to every time you think to get intimate with any other female. A man will tell a woman he loves her, that he is just weak and the other females mean nothing to him; but do these other females know this? Are they as detached as he is? When they call him, does he show up? Does he put them before you? Does he seem to come to their rescue way too often? Tell you he is broke but finds money to go to their house? Does he barely have time to stay up and have conversations with you but has time to go visit, text and call them for what seems like all the time?



A man will draw the love card when you find out about his wild behavior. He will draw cards like

-“baby I love you”

-“its all about you, not those other girls, they mean nothing”

-“I could never cheat on you, shes just a friend”

-“I thought we decided to love and forgive”

-“I was wrong but I love you and I have changed”

plus a whole long list. All this while you sit and try to find reasons you love him and reasons you should stay instead of reasons you should go. Honey don’t be sidetracked, keep in mind that if you don’t see or feel the change, there is more than likely no change. I am not saying he does not love you because with all his heart he might. There may be confusion in his life and way too much distractions; the question is: are you willing to sit around until he has matured?

You have the power to leave or to stay thus, if you decide to stay through the pain in the name of love, you my friend have chosen to be burned in the name of love.


She Is No Longer Interested

She gives you attention, you ignore her. She give the attention to somebody else and forget about you then you decide to pay her attention. By this time, she is no longer interested in you because that is just how women are.

Hey guys, it has been a while but I will be trying my best to make up for the lack of content over the next couple of days.

Women, the majority of us at some point liked a guy who didn’t give their all and as soon as we gave up and got something good going on with another, this non-interest fellow reappears. Now what does he expect you to do? Sit and worry over him and get out of the dating game? No honey, do not give anybody that power over you. Once he fails to show interest no matter what you have done, it is your right to start something new if the opportunity comes along.

Men, if this lady did everything from checking if you have eaten, remind you about important family dates, send you random texts to make you smile, asked you if you were okay and all you did was probably answer her the next day of not at all, she will not stick around for long unless she is obsessed and this is not good for you. There is a guy out there just dying for her attention and is probably standing in line with a few others so don’t you dare think she is always going to be there. If you are not interested, then you just aren’t. Don’t hit her up to boost your ego because you realize she is no longer trapped under whatever spell you thought you had cast upon her. Leave her alone, you don’t need her.

It is so crazy when there is a woman who has suddenly been thrown the cold shoulder or put in the friend zone just to move on then be told she didn’t give the dating phase or relationship any chance to blossom. Excuse me, what? So she was over here sending you little gifts, calling you to ensure you ate, finding out how your kids are, checking up on your frame of mind on your job, praying for you, directing you how to make uplifting changes in your life only to get calls backs days after but she is the one who didn’t give it a chance? Ah-aha! Right you are. No fam, you just can’t believe she moved on without you and your ego has been crushed so now you want to come back, mess around and create problems for her to scratch your superego itch. I got sad news for you though, when a trying woman is over, she is over. No coming back, no trying this dating thing again, no going out for fun, no forget the new guy. She is done with you. You gave her no chance and now, she frankly doesn’t care because she can do without your disrespect. The new guy is all you weren’t so if he is who you are worried about, I hope you get over it soon.

Thanks for reading and I know a lot may not like the tone of this post but I am honestly tired of the disrespect our women face from some of these men. Anyway, if you like my content, be sure to follow me on Instagram and Twitter.


Friend Zone Him

For over two weeks, I have been sitting on this topic. At first it was because I was giving it a little time then after that I had no time. Anyhow, its finally that time because speaking with a friend of mine this morning made me sure it was. Hey guys and welcome back if you are follower and continuous reader or welcome to my blog if you are new. Continuing on my relationship series, I just want to say ladies, it is still about us, I will rep for the men soon.

When I say Friend Zone Him, what comes to mind? I hope nothing negative cause I’m not trying to be negative. Recently I have been listening to my Godly intuitions and to what some men have to say on this topic thus what I will say to you can only benefit you positively one way or another. If you friend zone him and he leaves, that’s good because you saved yourself some heartaches and if you friend zone him and he stays, that’s good too because you can develop a friendship that wont be barred by lust.



Now it is important to note, you only friend zone a guy if you genuinely care for him whether intimately or just as a friend. If you consider the person a threat to your emotions or physical state, stay away from them totally. Only follow the blog if you genuinely like someone and want to prolong something with them and don’t see the person too often, treat them just as you would another friend until the friendship develops. To put a guy in the friend zone makes him work a whole lot harder at coming out because no one likes to be friend zoned. It crushes their masculinity and it throws them out of control. If you know anything about men then you will know they love having the upper hand, taking that from them will only make them work harder to regain it or show their true colors and leave. Majority of the times, they push harder and that allows them to learn more about you and you both develop a friendship. You learn things you wouldn’t have if lust was into play. Favorite color, food, movie and a whole lot more. You see beyond the front they put up to impress the crowd and you actually get to learn more so you can impress them more.



  1. When he seems distracted and doesn’t come across as knowing what he wants.
  2. When only connects with you to kill boredom
  3. When he seems hung up on his ex
  4. When he is confused as to if he wants you in his life
  5. When he seems to be going too fast for example within a day calling you love, babe and wanting to come by your place or vice versa.
  6. When you feel you are going too fast and sexual urges comes into play
  7. I don’t recommend this one because I don’t recommend sex before marriage cause I am what some of you call religious but I am realistic so if you had sex too quickly, friend zone right there and then, a man does not expect that, it kills their ego because they are the ones who step after sex.



Get to know each other more by planning activities that wont draw away from your sexuality but does not push lust and sex.

  1. Go out and socialize in areas that a very populated and requires both of you to break out of your shells. You want to know this person so it is fair to allow this person to know you too. For example, cooking or paint and sip dates. Yes, there are places that allows you to cook together.
  2. Plan group trips and picnics as it is good to get to know friends from both sides. People open up more around their peers thus this will allow you to learn something you wouldn’t otherwise.
  3. Go on dates and ask serious questions along with playful ones. You want to know what you are getting into so ask about family ties, sicknesses and responsibilities. It is your right to know if thee person is married, separated, dating someone or going through a bad breakup or divorce. If any of these are present you should run but if they are single, ask about their thoughts on marriage, if they want kids, their future ambition, how they will support a family when it comes along etc. Although you are friends, these questions can be asked but be very subtle with it.

There is a whole lot more to this but for now, these are the thoughts I will leave with you. Thank you for visiting my blog and if you like my content, be sure to visit me on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and twitter at Tamoy87.

Choose Reality Over Potential When Dating

Hey guys, today’s post is a bit different as there will be no photos just points coming off the top of my head that I just had to share.

Falling for what you think he could be over what he actually shows you that he is, is the main ingredient in the recipe for most heartbreaks.

I can tell some of you are saying we can’t judge a book by its cover but hey, some of you read the whole book from the first date and ignored all the red flags anyhow. I know this because it is something I have done too so don’t deny it.

Stop making excuses for him. If he lies he lies, if he ignores you, he ignores you, if he cheats, he cheats. Call him out for what he is and devalue him in the process. No man likes to be devalued but they are prepared for you to act up, just flip the script, call him out then devalue. Now, don’t get angry and disrespect, that’s uncalled for plus he can handle that by just cutting you off. Just tell him you realize he is constantly lying or whatever he does, it has become a pattern and you cannot handle childish behavior then devalue by saying you are looking to date a grown man. Smile and leave him to think on that. He will realize you consider his ways childish and no man likes to be called a child so he will either be a child and run or be a man and fix things.

Stop allowing him to put you last. We decide how we want to be treated and when you keep silent on how he dishes out certain treatment to you, he will eventually do worse each time to see just how much he can get away with. Say something or do something, either you cut him off or you state how you feel about his actions. When he calls with last minute plans, don’t go, tell him you have a Netflix and chill session later then stop responding to allow him to think what he will. During the time, post photos of you and your girls on social media you know he will see and say this is how we Netflix and chill. You can even send him a photo saying, you could have been here but you chose to be flaky and last minute instead.

Stop telling yourself you know he can do better. How do you know that? Is he doing any better? Did you suddenly became God or a prophet seeing the greater good in man? I doubt it. Saying he can do better and believing he can be better is good but after weeks or months of that, it is like you are dating a guy that doesn’t exist. You keep telling yourself it will happen and date him with that in mind but, what about the man he is right now? Is this the man you want to be with? Would you want you sister or friend to be in a relationship like this? Does he put you first? Does he tell the truth? Does he stay faithful to what you have going on? I doubt that too. Live in your now and stop living in your future.

Thank you for reading guys, see links to follow me on social media at the end of this page and until next time, stay blessed.

This is not the end of your relationship

This Is Not The End of Your Journey

It’s the finale of another relationship, you don’t know whats going to happen next, you feel like giving up and the world seems to be crashing around you. It doesn’t look like it now but this is not the end of your journey. Trust me when I tell you it’s not. You will make it, you must make it and losing it is not an option so don’t panic. dont-panic-1067044_1920

STOP REMINISCING ON TOXIC FUN – Now look, if its over its just over. Stop thinking bout all the laughs you had when the time the pain outweighs the joy. You will only be kidding yourself and slowly draw back to someone who will hurt you again all because two times out of twenty you had a little fun. No my friend, don’t do that to yourself. Stop allowing your brain to over power you by bringing your subconscious to life, This will end in you going back through that very same “baby I’m sorry” situation. You can read about some of this in my previous blog, RUN AWAY FROM TOXIC ATTRACTIONS. Stop fooling yourself with the holidays, trips, clothes, hair and nail, at the end of the day, all that will vanish and you will still be hurt.

this is not the end of your journey
Stop reminiscing on toxic fun

GET BUSY – Find a hobby or some hobbies, write that article, start that team, write that book, put on that event and whatever you couldn’t do while in that stagnant stage of your life, do it now. Gone are the days when you gotta tell yourself ” oh I need three months to cry over this person who didn’t want me” and as much as I write for my ladies, I am saying this irrespective of you being male or female. Stop sitting around waiting for that person to come back, get on with your life and show yourself what you can do for you.

this is not the end of your journey
Get busy!

HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS OR MAKE NEW ONES – Everybody needs one or more friend/s, even Jesus had 12 and just like him, some will stab you in the back but you will survive. The main point is to have a social life. Go to the beach, the movies, road trips, take a vacation and treat yourself to pure fun and friendship. You would be surprise at how helpful socializing is. Yes you should take time for yourself but if it is that kind of time where you stress over what could have been then don’t. You deserve more than that toxic memory, This is not the end of your journey.

this is not the end of your journey
Hang out with friends or make new ones.


Thank you for reading my fourth blog in my RELATIONSHIP SERIES, happy you could be here. Please stay safe and stay happy. If you like my content, please go over to my social media pages and follow at TAMOY87.

run away from toxic attractions

Run Away From Toxic Attractions

I was speaking to a friend who I know will be reading this and laughing to herself but in that discussion, she said something that reminded me I needed to write this blog, Run away from toxic attractions.

WHAT IS TOXIC ATTRACTION? Toxic attraction is being attracted to someone or something that will cause you harm. This is when you are either in a relationship with, thinking of being in relationship with or continuously going back to someone who hurts or will hurt you. This does not only mean physical hurt but also means mental and emotional abuse. You find yourself going back to the guy who keeps cheating, keeps speaking down to you, keeps telling you that you are nobody, keep forgetting your birthday, keeps you on the side because he is married,

keeps you in the dark because he secretly lives with a woman and the list goes on. So what if he proposed? He still has not changed and he has no intention to at present moment, this engagement may just be to keep you quiet while he does the usual.

Run away from toxic attractions
When do you put on the running shoes?

WHEN DO YOU PUT ON THE RUNNING SHOES? Do this as soon as you sense a pattern, there is always a pattern. Just ensure you don’t wait until the fourth time to get your shoes. Patterns can start before you get too far in the relationship, it can be a simple things like never calling you, always texting back late with cheesy excuses, flaking off on a proposed date, no solid answers to questions and such the like. Even in more practical cases, he may only call you at nights to swing through but is never there in the day, honey he may just be looking for somewhere to sleep. He may only show up when you post some nice dishes on Facebook or the gram or anytime you cook, this may mean he got nothing to eat and you are only his chef. He may be with you all day but always have to go at nights and can never take you to his place, this may mean he has a family at home. Trust me honey, it is at the stage that you need to get them running shoes ready.

Run away from toxic attractions

WHEN DO YOU RUN? You run when you prove all this is true in the more practical cases and in the case of flaky texts, no calls, cheesy excuses, you run after you make it clear to him you realize there is confusion and you can’t handle confusion so you are going to take some space. Say what you mean and mean what you say, you would be shock at how quick he will respond once hes interested but if he is not and he decides that’s fine by him, count it as a win, not a loss, click previous link to see more on counting it as a win..  If a guy is being cold, don’t run into something you could have prevented, run from it, you will thank yourself later. In the case of going back to hurtful situations, run when you realize all the person does is say sorry then rinse and repeat. Run when you realize they start laying everything on you like, “if you didn’t want me you wouldn’t be here”, ” if you had said this before, we could have fixed it”, “if you had told me to apologize and that it affected you I would have and we would not be at this point” and the list goes on. Don’t allow them to make you feel as if it is your fault because it is not.

WHY SHOULD YOU RUN? You run because this is not good for your emotional and mental growth. He is only there to block your blessing of receiving a good man because, when people know of your relationship they will stay away, when God sees you are not over him, He will not give you someone in your confused state. God does not give you nice gifts while you have unnecessary baggage. Get rid of the baggage then wait on your reward. You run because you happiness and self worth depends on it. You keep going back and all you do in the end is hate yourself for it. How about loving you for a change? How about putting you first for a change and keeping that toxic person out the picture. You cannot love yourself yet be the cause of your own hurt, in this case you keep on hurting yourself by going back so for your sake, run away from toxic attractions.

Thank you once again for joining me here on my blog, I hope you had a good read and that it encourages someone. If you like my content, please feel free to join me on Facebook, twitter, Instagram and Snapchat at Tamoy87.


He Doesn’t Like You? Well Thank God And Move On!

Ladies! How do you really sit there and cry over someone who doesn’t want you? No, that’s a no. The minute someone makes it known they are not interested in you, that’s the moment you thank God and move right on with a smile. You actually won here, this was time not wasted making up a relationship that didn’t exist.

Smile and move along. Photographer: Vidal Smith Jr.

HE’S NOT GIVING ME THE TIME OF DAY – I’ve had friends who have said to me in the past, “I like this guy but he’s not giving me the time of day”. Hello!!! This is not even a sign, its a slap in the face saying move along, save yourself the heartache, you are not needed here. I don’t get how people get excited in situations like these. I mean, I honestly cannot feel excited around someone who simply tolerates me. Stop being fooled by the make-believe you drummed up in your imagination, see the person for who they are and not who you think they can be.

HE DOESN’T TEXTS BACK – Sweetheart, will you die? Are you dead right now? Is it the end of the world? I’m sure the answer is no to these questions. You see him, you are attracted to him somehow, I understand but don’t you think you are setting yourself up for heartache, neglect, cheating and early breakup? If he is not as interested in you as you are in him, I suggest you run from the situation like you were burned by hot water. Don’t start something that possess no signs of longevity.

he does'nt texts back
He doesn’t text back. Pixabay

HE TEXTS BACK, JUST NOT OFTEN BECAUSE HE’S BUSY – Busy? What is busy and what is he busy doing? Listen to me darling, no one is too busy to let an entire day go by without connecting with someone they have an interest in. Oh he’s busy at work. Okay so does he get off work, ever? Well he does get off but then he has to catch up on other stuff. Stuff like what? Stuff that he can never explain because they probably don’t exist right? He does check on me from time to time. Is this before or after you have checked up on him? Could this be a case where he is stringing you along so he can make use of you should he ever have the need? Stop making excuses for this man, stop trying to make believe, you will only hurt yourself. If you really like him and want him to respect you, stop popping up every minute, stop feeding him unnecessary information, stop telling yourself he is more than he appears to be. Honestly, leave him alone, you would surprise how men react when they think they have lost an opportunity. Be your own woman, treat yourself like a queen until a king comes along.

Precious queen, be happy while you await your king. Pixabay


Thank you for stopping by and if you are going through a similar situation, I hope this gives you some insight. If you like my content, please follow my blog and join me on twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Tamoy87.


8 Signs She’s Tired Of Your Crap


This is a note to our men out here dating and thinking they can play the same game forever while women put up with it; thinking there is ownership so you do as you please. After a while, we do get tired of all that’s going on and when we get tired, you will know it by our actions and not by our voices because you claim we talk too much. If you have a nagging woman, listen to her because when she nags no more then you know, its done on her side. Here are some ways to tell she’s tired of all the crap if you live apart.

1. She no longer sends good morning texts: If she normally text you first thing in the morning and they get less until they cut right off, you’re in trouble. This woman’s head is somewhere else now, her head is on the road called “moving on”.

2. She doesn’t check if you ate: Having your man hungry is not a trait of a good woman so even if she isn’t around she checks if you fed yourself right. When she no longer does this, she basically saying feed yourself or starve, its up to you.

3. She gives you the one word reply text:
“Yes, fine, okay, no, hmm”, when you’re getting these reply from someone who usually says or texts a paragraph to each question then of course she’s at a point of giving up.

4. She replies to messages 6 hours later or the next day: Well, this one will surely eat you up, especially if you know she’s always on her phone so either she’s ignoring you or she’s ignoring you. Outside of being sick, busy or asleep, you can tell when she is ignoring.

5. She no longer gives opinions: Who have opinions like a woman right? Well then, if she ain’t talking then she’s walking because that’s just saying “live your life”.

6. She no longer tells you she loves you: At this point she starts saying, I have shown you enough love and you made a mockery of it so to hell with this.

7. She doesn’t pick up: Call as you may, she will not pickup if she doesn’t feel to. She’s now tired of your constant excuses and apologies so she prefers not to hear you at all.

8. She says “we need to talk”: Here we go, we all know this can’t be peachy. We need to talk tends to mean, ‘you’ve done something wrong” or “we are breaking up”. Cliche but true.

Ladies I know some of you can relate and for the married folks and those living together, I know you understand but being I’m neither married or living with anyone, I cannot write from that side of the fence.

Next blog in this series will be about choosing happiness so stick around and thanks for reading. Remember to follow on Instagram Tamoy87